Are you here for scholarship?

Last night I attended my Junior League's annual meeting at the Ritz-Carlton. The meeting was in the very ballroom where I got married almost 2 years ago.

Now, I did not feel like attending this meeting. I am 64 months pregnant (translated: 37.5 weeks pregnant) and I have nothing to wear. My hair is also looking a little bit busted. After months of avoiding a chemical relaxer because of my pregnancy, I put in micro-braids. The braids have seen better days are are ready to come out. I am feeling huge, so mingling in a crowd with my giant belly knocking into silver trays of butler passed Mushroom Duxelle in Vol au Vent, Louis Vuitton purses and glasses of Merlot is not my idea of a good time.

I stood in the registration line, ready to give my name, tell that I ordered the chicken and get my sticky name tag. A well-coiffed woman, around 50 said a frighteningly cheerful hello to me. I returned the greeting and smiled. She then said in the what was perhaps most patronizing tone I've ever heard "are you here for scholarship?"

I furrowed my brow with momentary confusion, then remembered that during this meeting the Junior League awards several scholarships to underprivileged women. The women who receive these scholarships are often single mothers, people who have survived addiction or abuse or some other such adversity. I mustered a half smile and replied to the woman "no, I'm a member of the League." The woman then laughed furiously and nervously and muttered something about her not being around enough to recognize all of the members, and turned away with tension and embarrassment in her thin, cardigan-draped shoulders.

I'm Courtney. I am 27 years old, an ivy-league grad, a recovering attorney, a yoga instructor and a soon-to-be a mother of one baby girl in a matter of weeks. I am married to Eric, my best friend. I own a home outside of Cleveland, Ohio. I am a member of the Junior League and I got married in the Ritz-Carlton ballroom. I am not here for scholarship. I am young perplexed and black. Welcome to my blog.